Update

well, i haven't written in a month, so i thought i would fill in what i have been doing. since the funeral, i have had a lot of time to think, be with friends, travel (Alabama, Washington, DC and going soon: Henderson, Colorado, Dallas, Honduras), and be a personal assistant to my mother (lots of honey-to-do-list).

there has been a lot of down-time especially right after the funeral where i diagnosed myself as short-term bipolarism! mother and i have been laughing and crying to laughing and crying on a continuous cycle going through some of the things of my grandparents. it has been amazing witnessing the outpouring of love from all of those of whom my grandparents touched. and, no. we still don't have a clue as to what to do with the house. i, for one, am getting tired of everyone asking. we need time. mom wants me to go through the house and decide what to do with all the stuff i want/ need in my house. i haven't a clue. there is so much. it like admiting they really aren't there if i take things away. to be honest, eventhough there house is in the backyard, i still think they're there. And, that it's been quite unusually quiet around here.

i am sure it is faith but lately i have had a peaceful soul. I was devasted not being home when Granddaddy died. Since his death, i have had a series of conversations with him in my dreams. The scripture that keeps popping in my tohught is the one about fighting the good fight and keeping faith. in my dreams, granddaddy sounds just like he always wanted- with a clear and strong voice- something that hadn't truly happened in years. this was a wonderful Christmas gift directly given to me by God. the fact that i know, my angel Granddaddy talked to me reassuring me that all is well- he's proud of me. is this how God speaks to me? you? everyone? dreams? small voice? the feelings? how does God speak to you? in today's soceity, the people who often say that God spoke to me are looked at as loons. know i sure know i have problems but some what sane at the same time. i know that my Granddaddy wants me to go to continue my mission.

So, I plan on going back to honduras on Jan 17 though december. oh, did i mention that my truck in honduras was wrecked- i am not sure how badly yet. i am not really sure how this can happen but know that God will take care of it. i still do not have much support. i feel a little like a pupet. some have mentioned support but then i haven't heard anything definite. i sent out 12 letters to churches without, so far, any response for support for next year. support is a hard thing. i know i need it. why is it so hard to obtain? people say, oh, what a wonderful thing- then nothing. is this satan? do we in this day and age fear satan as they did in the Bible? Satan is so present and easier than ever to get us tempted into sin. money isn't all that's offered in the world BUT it is necessary to function in it. there are many lessons we can learn from our Latin brothers and sisters. Living in the states is such a priviledge- often taken for granted. There is a since of entitlement though that consumes us. It is not survival of the fittest, it isn't survival at all. survival is being able to live. that's it. simple. living. how we live is something completly different. The states is always trying to achieve higher accomplishment, stature, fincanical bracket, etc. latins tend to be content. How would Christ want us to live today in a fast pased techno driven soft world? How about a little of both. Strive to live the best life- Christ like. Well, i think i have gone on enough today. have a blessed one and remember the reason for the season.